I was bound and determined to not write anything too personal in this.
and thus far, I’ve stuck to it to a degree.
But I’ve decided that today, I’m going to make this a little more personal.
I made a commitment to someone a little over a year ago. We both vowed to keep a commitment to each other, and due to selfishness, jealousy, or the loss of the concern we had for each other in the beginning…whatever the reason has been, something that could have been pure, simple, and could have allowed two people to grow in a relationship with each other, with God, and with the world, has done the very opposite.
and I’m not writing because it’s something I necessarily need to get off my chest. I’m not writing for sympathy or for any other reason, other than to reflect on what ground has been lost.
and not just a loss for two people in a relationship,
but a loss for two individual people. and just like I vowed to another person one year ago, I’m vowing to myself. Something I should have done a long time ago. I’m vowing to do the things that make me happy. I’m vowing to do the things that I’ve ignored for months. I’m vowing not to embrace apathy anymore.
and by fixing me, I can fix us. Not because I assume that we will be perfect, because at this point, I can’t assume anything.
but I can fix us, because no matter what happens in the “end,” I will be able to look him, and everyone else in the eyes and say that whatever we have, whether it be friendship, or a deep love, is true.
I challenge everyone, and I’m included in this, that if you love someone, be it a friendship, or a meaningful relationship or hell, a cat, don’t forget to love yourself. Don’t forget the things that are important to you. Whether it is reading, working out, wearing your favorite outfits, your friendships, or your relationship with God, do not forget them. I’m proof in the pudding that it’s so easy to do so (i.e. + 20 lbs)
Not just that, encourage each other to be whole. Whatever that may mean to you.
I’m learning now, more than ever, to throw away everything that makes me apathetic. Roadblock relationships, untruth, nachos, and simple stupidity.
I’ve also determined, with great sadness, that getting rid of netflix, was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
January 20, 2008
