At 8:30 this morning, I had already cried once.
Upon occasion I have a baby emotional break down and analyze my life repeatedly, and this week has been a semi emotional tirade. Fully emotional, really. Semi Tirade, I suppose.
This week has spawned tears and questions about who I am and want to be. Where I am and who I’m with. what I really want to do with my life. Not that this is any new revolutionary thought. When I come up with a solution, only then it will become revolutionary.
I started wondering, how exactly does one go about picking one thing they want to have a career in for the rest of their life. Does anyone actually do this? I can sincerely say, there are about 402 careers that I would want to do for the rest of my life including whale trainer, opera singer, and socialite. Some are probable, some are not. Most of them require tons of work, ambition, money, and school. But when exactly was I supposed to pick one of these careers? I’ve picked what I’m going to school for, but is that the end-all-be-all of what I am to do with my life??
Related, but on a side note, in my emotional mess this morning, I started looking up things online about other cultures and decided I was moving somewhere located in another country immediately. When I decided on Japan and started reading about their culture my energy was focused on this long article i found about the Geisha culture.
I found out that the Geisha were not only beautiful, but the most intellegent creatures in Japan of that day. They learned more about art, music, literature, math, comedy, and culture than anyone of modern times would even think about learning. They spent their entire lives learning, and these women were the most treasured in Japan.
This made me think about my brainwreck this morning and I realized something. My career will never define who I am. I have an entire life of learning ahead of me. Learning should not stop at graduation. No matter what i choose to do to make money for the rest of my life, while it should be enjoyable, it should not be the end-all-be-all. The point is to set a goal, and acheive it. Lose all apathy.
I’ve made a list of things I want to do before I die. As I go, I’ll cross off what I have already done. and add to the list accordingly
Graduate from college
Write an article for a magazine
Swim with a whale/large sea creature
Go back to Nassau
Be able to yell at someone in Spanish
Drink too much wine in ParisKiss a celebrity
go to a music festival
LA
get to my goal weight
Have a fall wedding
Have babies
share my 50th birthday with my husband
stock my entire house with organic food
buy an article of clothing that costs over 1000
Rome
Learn to sew
Sing in an opera house
sing at a jazz club
Form my own country band
Move back to Charleston, somewhere southern
Own a skin care store
Go to an OperaBe on TV
Bike somewhere that is more than a 2 hour drive away
July 10, 2007
